What to Expect at a Jewish Wedding
The wedding day heralds the happiest and holiest day of one's life. This day is considered a personal Yom Kippur, or day of atonement, for the chatan (Hebrew for groom) and kallah (bride), for on this day all their past mistakes are forgiven as they merge into a new, complete soul.
It is customary for the chatan and kallah not to see each other for one week preceding the wedding. This increases their anticipation and excitement of seeing each other.
The first part of the ceremony is the bedekken, the veiling of the kallah by the chatan. The veil symbolizes modesty and conveys the lesson that however attractive physical appearances may be, the soul and character are paramount. The veiling of the bride by the groom is a custom that derives from the biblical account of Jacob’s first marriage, when he was deceived to marry the heavily veiled Leah instead of Rachel, his intended bride.
The chatan, accompanied by family and friends, proceeds to where the kallah is seated and places the veil over her face. This signals the groom's commitment to clothe and protect his wife.
The wedding ceremony takes place under the chuppah (canopy), which is a symbol of the home that the new couple will build together. It is open on all sides, just as Abraham and Sarah had their tent open to welcome people in unconditional hospitality. The canopy itself is a "tallit", prayer shawl.
The chatan and kallah wear no jewellery under the chuppah (marriage canopy). Their mutual commitment is based on who they are as people, not on any material possessions.
Under the chuppah, the kallah circles the chatan seven times. Just as the world was built in seven days, the kallah is figuratively building the walls of the couple's new world together. The number seven also symbolizes the wholeness and completeness that they cannot attain separately. The kallah then stands at the chatan's right-hand side.
Two cups of wine are used in the wedding ceremony. The first cup accompanies the betrothal blessings, recited by the rabbi. After these are recited, the couple drinks from the cup.
Wine, a symbol of joy in Jewish tradition, is associated with Kiddush, the sanctification prayer recited on Shabbat and festivals. Marriage, called Kiddushin, is the sanctification of a man and woman to each other.
In Jewish law, a marriage becomes official when the chatan gives an object of value to the kallah. This is traditionally done with a ring. The ring should be made of plain gold, without blemishes or precious stones. The chatan now takes the wedding ring in his hand, and in clear view of two witnesses, declares to the kallah, "Behold, you are betrothed unto me with this ring, according to the law of Moses and Israel." He then places the ring on the forefinger of the bride's right hand. According to Jewish law, this is the central moment of the wedding ceremony, and at this point, the couple is fully married. If the kallah also wants to give a ring to the chatan, this is only done afterwards, not under the chuppah. This is to prevent confusion as to what constitutes the actual marriage, as prescribed by the Torah.
Now comes the reading of the ketubah (marriage contract) in the original Aramaic text. The ketubah outlines the chatan's various responsibilities ― to provide his wife with food, shelter and clothing, and to be attentive to her emotional needs. Protecting the rights of a Jewish wife is so important that the marriage may not be solemnized until the contract has been completed. The document is signed by two witnesses and has the standing of a legally binding agreement. The ketubah is the property of the kallah and she must have access to it throughout their marriage. It is often written amidst beautiful artwork, to be framed and displayed in the home.
The Seven Blessings (Sheva Brachot) are now recited over the second cup of wine. The theme of these blessings links the chatan and kallah to our faith in God as Creator of the world, Bestower of joy and love, and the ultimate Redeemer of our people. These blessings are recited by the rabbi or other people that the families wish to honour.
At the conclusion of the seven blessings, the chatan and kallah again drink some of the wine.
A glass is now placed on the floor, and the chatan shatters it with his foot. This serves as an expression of sadness at the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, and identifies the couple with the spiritual and national destiny of the Jewish people. This marks the conclusion of the ceremony. With shouts of "Mazel Tov," the chatan and kallah are then given an enthusiastic reception from the guests as they leave the chuppah together.
The couple is then escorted to a private "yichud room" and left alone for a few minutes. These moments of seclusion signify their new status of living together as husband and wife and afford them a private moment to celebrate their new marriage together.
Like at any wedding, the reception is an opportunity for the new couple to celebrate their marriage with their friends and family. Guests arrive before the bride and groom and begin with starters. The married couple arrives together and the celebrations begin with dancing. Men and women dance separately.
After dancing, "hamotzi", the breaking of bread, is made and speeches are said. Main course follows. After the meal, Birkat Hamazon (Grace After Meals) is recited, and the Sheva Brachot are repeated. Dessert is then served. Guests usually dance with the bride and groom between courses, although many make a beeline straight for the buffet table.