About Our Culture
We are so happy for you to join with us on this special occasion. As most of you know, we both are Nigerian, specifically Yoruba. Nigerian culture and traditions are as much beautiful as they are fun to participate in. But we also recognize that for a lot of you this is your first “Nigerian” wedding. Accordingly, we felt it only right to answer any questions you may have up front. The below FAQs may not answer everything, but we hope it’s a start. And of course, feel free to reach out to either of us if you’re interested in anything further.
The traditional engagement is a common ceremony in Yoruba culture, often referred to as the traditional wedding. It typically occurs a few days before the wedding (or “English” ceremony) and is hosted by the Bride’s family. It is essentially an introduction of the families and a call to formally give approval and blessing for the union. The families sit across from each other during the entire event. Traditionally, the ceremony can last a few hours or as long as a few days. We provide a brief description of the ceremony below.
The ceremony begins with the arrival of the groom’s family. The Alaga (a type of Master of Ceremony) introduces the groom’s family who then greets the bride’s family. The groom’s family presents the bride’s family with a proposal letter, and the youngest member of the bride’s family reads the letter out loud. In return, the bride’s family presents an acceptance letter. Then the fun part of the ceremony can begin. First, it’s time to meet the groom. The groom dances in with his groomsmen and other friends. The men will be asked to perform a number of feats as a sign of respect to the bride’s family, including laying prostrate (lying stretched out and face down on the ground). Next, it is time to meet the bride. The bride dances in with her bridesmaids and other friends. She then proceeds to kneel in front of her parents to show respect and receive their blessing. She does the same for her future in-laws. Finally, the groom and bride are joined together.
There are number of additional aspects of the ceremony, an exchange of the rings, a review of the bride price (gifts the groom’s family presents to the bride and her family), and cutting of the cake. Throughout the ceremony there is exchanging of money, praying, singing, and a lot of dancing. The ceremony ends in a dance party!
Spraying means to press or shower money on the body of a celebrant (in this case the bride and groom). It is a very common Nigerian custom, particularly at weddings. There are family members that help pick up the money and present it to the bride and groom at the conclusion of the ceremony. It is important to recognize that spraying in Nigerian culture is very respectful celebration of the event. It is not, let me repeat, is NOT like the throwing of money that occurs at strips clubs. Therefore, if you choose to spray, please do so keeping that in mind. When in doubt, copy the technique of others at the ceremony.
Spraying is not required although it is very welcomed! It is more of a gift presented to the bride and groom. Accordingly, there are no rules on how much someone should spray. Just lead with your heart, recognizing how expensive a wedding is (LOL).
Typically it is perfectly acceptable, and welcomed, to spray when the bride and groom are dancing. But when in doubt, again follow the lead of others at the ceremony.
Aso ebi literally translates as “clothing of family”. In the context of celebrations, it is a fabric of the celebrant’s choosing, purchased by those asked to wear it. It is traditionally worn as an indicator that the wearer is a close friend or family member of the celebrant during social occasions. Typically, there is a separate color for each: the bride’s family, the bridesmaids, the bride’s friends, the groom’s family, the groomsmen, and the groom’s friends. For weddings, the bride and groom will separately coordinate the aso ebi for their families, and select a small group of friends to be “aso ebi women” and “aso ebi men”. These individuals typically dance in with the bride or groom during the traditional engagement ceremony.
Please do not count this as a slight. Just because you were not asked to wear it does not mean you are not a friend of the bride and groom (the invitation alone should be enough indication of the friendship). Again, aso ebi is meant for family and close friends; think an extension of the bridal party.
We of course welcome you to wear native attire to the traditional engagement. HOWEVER, we ask that you be respectful and do a little research before purchasing native attire. There is some attire that is very common in the United States but is simply not meant to be worn at Nigerian weddings (e.g., Dashikis made in Thailand or China). If you have questions about whether your attire is appropriate, please feel free to reach out to either of us.
African time is a stereotype used to describe Africans' general relaxed attitude towards timeliness. It is a common phrase used during big social occasions, like weddings, where people perceive the start time as a suggestion rather than a strict guide.
ON TIME! We intend to start every event on time (a.k.a. no “African time”). However, the traditional engagement is a long ceremony that involves a lot of protocol. If you wish to experience every aspect of the ceremony, please do come on time. Otherwise, it is perfectly fine to arrive at the traditional engagement ceremony a bit later than the start time.
Honor and respect is very important in Yoruba culture. When saying hello to someone older or mature in age, it is customary for the person to formally “greet” him or her. The proper way to greet for women is to kneel down slightly while saying good morning/afternoon/night. For men, it is proper to bend over at the waist and barely touch your toe with your finger, or, to show the upmost respect, to fully lay down prostrate in front of the person you are greeting (as described above for the traditional ceremony). NOTE: This is simply an explanation and not a request that you do this when greeting others at the wedding.
Nigerian weddings are VERY high energy! Expect a lot of praying, a lot of singing, a lot of yelling, and a whole lot of dancing. We suggest you get your moves together before the day . We can't wait to celebrate with you!
The short answer is no. While we are so grateful for those that wish to celebrate with us, we have strict guest lists for all events. We love you nonetheless!
The attire for the reception is formal. Think floor-length for ladies and tuxedos for men. Suits are fine too!