How to Trap a Ginger
Meet as a teen (15) working at American Eagle and engage in some light flirting. Welcome him to the store at the beginning of each shift, as this is your job. Play hard to get for 9-10 years and then re-meet at your local watering hole. You won't recognize him initially, as his hair has darkened and his shoulders have filled out; you look the same. Chat for a few minutes and learn that he is both educated and gainfully employed (the excitement builds). Go back to the dance floor with your friends, the real housewives of Whitby, and reflect on this crazy reunion. It's time to leave (because its midnight) so you dare yourself to give him your number.
"Hey I'm heading home, can I give you my phone number?"
"Are you serious?"
Date for about three months and then introduce the idea that your roommate (who is amazing) will be moving out. Wait another month and then confess, with all the cab sauv courage, that you want to marry this ginger. Practice deep breathing as patience is not a virtue you possess. Tell him everyday how happy he makes you. #trapped
How To Play It Cool
Meet as a teen (15) working at American Eagle and engage is some light flirting. Smile at her as she welcomes you to the store (she's just doing her job) but don't say much so you can hide the nervous person you really are. Re-meet at your local watering hole 9-10 years later. Spot her in the dark at the bar and finally overcome your nervousness that still exists after a decade. Chat for a maximum of 4 minutes, make her laugh once and don't ask for her number. Walk away feeling extremely excited that you re-met the person you'd always secretly hoped would be available and realize you didn't ask her for her number. Continue with your night. When she approaches you later on and offers her number, don't bother hiding how surprised you are.
Take her for sushi, but don't forget to drop the sushi in the soy sauce to make a mess - laugh about it. When she finally tells you she loves you, feel relief because you've felt it for weeks already. When she casually mentions her roommate is moving out, immediately offer the idea of moving in together. And when you go on a date at Steam Whistle, secretly email them after to inquire about booking it as a wedding venue a full year before getting engaged.
You may be the Pale one and her the Impatient one, but know all along that you were trapping her.